Another course of steriods

The latest relapse has shown no improvement. I'd say, if anything, things have got worse. My right hand is barely functional now and even worse I keep dropping things (so far today my lunch and a pot from the fridge which then split all over the floor).

So, back to the steroids... it is the really aggressive course this time. Nearly £30 at the chemist to get all the required medication.

Twelve tablets for seven days, followed by six tablets for seven days and finishing with three tablets for seven days.

I addition the yellow tablet (which gets taken twice a day) to protect my stomach and the calcium tablet (also twice a day) which given the size is fortunately chewable. There are also my two regular tablets to add to the morning batch and a sleeping tablet at night as steroids rob me of sleep.

Phew! Hopefully the steroids will work and things will get back to normal soon - otherwise I may have to learn to become left handed!

Finally reached stage five?

I read somewhere once that when you discover you have a debilitating or long term illness you go through the same process as when grieving. The famous five stages of grief (outlined by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross) denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. 

For the longest time I was stuck at the first stage... denial. Because my MS was mostly remission and very little relapse for the first few years after diagnosis I pretty much ignored it and pretended to myself that it was all a big mistake.

Stages two and three happened pretty much one after the other when in 2007 I suffered a pretty major relapse which ended up with me being stuck in bed for around six weeks. At first I was angry because I was missing work and I was extremely bored; then I was making deals with my capricious health... you know the sort of thing; "I'll ease off the hours if I can just be well enough to go back to work".

Depression hit around a year ago when it hit me how long I'd been continuously using the stick and how  nothing seemed to have got much better in the longest time and therefore probably wasn't ever going to.

Now, finally, after so many years I seem to have reached acceptance. I know this because I sent of my application for a blue badge today.

Look no hand(s)....

Two weeks on from the steroids and nothing has gotten any better. I would, in fact, go as far as to say things have got worse. The loss of sensation in my right hand, which had only been affecting the little to middle fingers badly has now worked all the way across to my index finger and down my palm. 

The problem with this is really only inconvenience. I can't write properly because I can't feel the pen; I can't type properly because I'm a touch typist and I keep missing letters that require the left hand (especially 'o' and 'p')... I also can't do up buttons or jewellery... I can't use a mouse properly with the computer... it is all very frustrating.

I spoke to my nurse on Friday who is going to send me the protocols for the three week steroid course to give to my doctor. Hopefully this might have a positive effect...

My feet have also shown no improvement, which means that I'm still using the crutches to make sure that I don't fall over. Again the biggest problem with this is getting things done... try going to the supermarket with no hands!!!